So do you swing around on poles? This class was your husband's idea right? Don't you worry about what message you are sending your daughters? These are just some of the questions I hear time and time again about my Naughty Hottie program. And the answers are no, no, and NO!
I'm not surprised people are curious about the class. When I named the program I was looking for a title that would, well, titillate. Something that would get a, a-hem, rise out of people. ;)
But all jokes aside, human sexuality has always been something that has interested me. I took quite a few human sexuality courses in University. No I wasn't there, like 95% of the other students, to giggle in the back rows and get the humanity credits needed for my degree. I was actually interested in what made us all tick or tock (and not Ke$ha style). From reading and researching about sexuality across culture and time I discovered that current western society with its ever increasing prominence of sex in popular culture is in many ways completely oppressive to women's sexuality. We have been so bombarded by the images of women with impossibly large, perky breasts on even more impossibly thin bodies, we have completely lost touch with what sexuality and sensuality is truly about: Confidence, Ownership, and Empowerment. How are women suppose to feel confident looking in the mirror when they constantly compare themselves with the air brushed Victoria Secret Campaigns? How can women feel ownership over own sexuality when women's magazines are covered in tag lines about "pleasing your man"? (What about MY pleasure???) How can we feel empowered when every day we are trying to live up to someone else's definition of what "sexy" is all about?
What I have sadly discovered is that the reality is that most women just stop believing they are sexy. Many tuck their sexuality away(probably in the same drawer as those darn "If only I could lose 10 more pounds" jeans). They convince themselves that sexuality is for the single, for the young, for those without children. But really all women are doing is tucking away part of who that are! And that makes me, sad? mad? frustrated? DRIVEN!
Driven! That is what I decided a year ago, when I myself felt my own sense of sexuality, slipping down the drain, faster then my post pregnancy hair loss. I had two young children, a business, and no time! Sounds sexy huh? Ya it wasn't! But rather then sit on the couch and drown my desires in ice cream and sappy romantic comedies, I decided I needed a change. And I figured if I needed a change so did many women.
Dance has always been a way women have expressed their sexual energies across culture. Whether it be the sultry hip movements in Latin dances, the sensual belly rolls and shimmies of Eastern dances, or the suggestive thrusts and pops of African and Caribbean dance. But the biggest difference between these cultural expressions of sexuality and the sexualized dancing of our culture is that women were dancing for each other and themselves. Dance provided a safe place for women to come together in community and express themselves, celebrate the power and beauty of the female form, and support each other. While women may have shared tips of enticing a male or pleasing their husbands, this was secondary to the main focus of women supporting each other as beautiful, sexual beings.
Using this approach in Naughty Hottie I have seen the transformation in the women who step onto the dance floor willing to embrace this approach. The first few classes new participants shyly sway and pop their hips and giggle as they learn the proper technique of a booty roll. But as the weeks go on the changes in these women become more and more apparent. Giggles and tentative questions are replaced with confidence and poise. Rather then avoiding eye contact, the ladies support and celebrate each others success. And instead of dreading the performance at the end of class, the ladies hoot and holler their admiration of each other.
I am sure a few go home and show their partners the fruits of their labors, but I hear more often about how they share their performances with girlfriends who are eager to see what they have been learning in class. Rather then being exploited these ladies are becoming empowered in their own bodies. They are realizing they are the ones in control of their definition of beauty.
Having two daughters of my own, this is the view of sexuality I want them to learn. Rather then falling into the traps of letting media and other popular culture venues decide their definition of beauty, I want my girls to experience the empowerment that comes from a community of support. Sexuality is a healthy, normal part of human development and I want my girls to be in charge of their bodies and minds, making decisions that foster a healthy body image rather then falling victim to the unachievable standards of the western world. I want them to know they are truly beautiful just as they are.
To all the beautiful women who have challenged themselves and come shimmy, sway, pop, and roll with me through Naughty Hottie class, thank you for being a part of our community!
"Now and then I get insecure...But I am Beautiful no matter what they say! Words wont bring me down! I am Beautiful in every single way. Yes words wont bring me down, so don't you bring me down today!"~ Christina Aguilera